Last night, my husband and I enjoyed a much-needed date night, which was also the first night of the democratic convention. At one point in our conversation, he turned to me and said, “You know something? I am shocked at the number of women who hate Hillary Clinton.”
I said, “Well, I’ve got a theory about that. An un-empowered woman doesn’t know what to do with a woman who has fully stepped into her power, and in that unknown territory, fear and then hate arises because the woman standing in her power reflects back to the un-empowered woman all of her unexpressed desires and dreams for herself.
Women are frustrated with themselves and their own lives and so then they project that disgust onto other women. As a leader and public figure, Hillary is the perfect target, but this shit goes down everywhere, all the time. I know. I am a woman. I live it.”
Glenn cocked his head to the side and then said, “Hmmmm….wow. I hadn’t thought about it that way. I think you may be on to something. You should write about that.”
So here I am.
I’ve been contemplating this because of something that happened to me about a year ago. In Marshall Rosenberg’s work involving non-violent communication, he says to look at what upsets you. Is there a theme around what makes you angry? If you can uncover that, then you will find some of your core values.
That was easy to discover for myself. One of my main triggers is apathy. People who are unengaged in life, don’t care about much of anything, and just sit there, doing nothing in a world that is literally dying to change, piss me off. Apathy makes me sick to my stomach.
One of my core values is passion. Embrace what you care about and make a difference in the world. Passion literally looks like pass-I-on.
When I started to write my book and blog and become involved in social media, I felt this hatred of apathy leave my body. I was no longer holding back out of fear of being judged. I was stepping into my power as a human being and woman. I still don’t like apathy, but it doesn’t trigger me like it used to because I am now doing what I need to be doing.
Apathy is no longer my mirror.
So it goes with strong women. It’s one thing to disagree with a political stance, but blind hatred is another issue. If you find that you despise women in power, including Hillary Clinton, take a look at yourself. Dive deep and ask questions because right now, I don’t see a lot of inquiry. I see women (and men) reacting without a lot of thought.
Welcome to lizard-brain USA!
As a holistic health professional, I am going to share five things that have empowered me over the years and maybe, just maybe, these things will have a positive impact on your vitality.
#1 Know that you can’t win.
On the surface this sounds like a cop out, but it’s not. It is the starting point.
Surrendering to a power greater than yourself is one of the most healing things you can do. If you try to win, you fail. No matter what you do (or don’t do), someone will hate you for it and someone will love you for it.
To the strong woman, we say, “What a bitch!”
To the weak woman, we say, “Grow some balls!”
So we basically impose the male way of being onto a woman’s way of being. When we call a woman a bitch, we are saying, “Be less of a man.” And when we say, “Grow some balls,” what we mean is be more of a man.
What a mess.
Trying to be like a man when you are woman and trying to be everything to everyone is a recipe for disaster. Trying is a very strained energy that doesn’t even exist. In reality, you cannot try. You either do or your don’t. When you stop trying, you find flow and that is where Spirit and power reside.
I say, “You can’t win. Be you.”
#2 Eat real food.
The name of my upcoming book is Eat in Peace to Live in Peace for a very good reason: learning how to eat changed everything about my life.
Eating real food was my first step to claiming my vitality.
Eating real food taught me that I had value as a person beyond what I accomplished. I realize I was valuable simply for being here; I didn’t have to do anything.
Eating real food is a choice, which leads to empowerment. When you choose what you eat, you realize you can choose other things, too. You stop being a victim.
Eating real food allowed me to love myself, which brings me to my next point…
#3 Love your body.
No matter what it looks like, your body is sacred ground. When you look at yourself, you have only two options: love or hate. I choose love because hating my body just doesn’t make any sense.
#4 Give birth to your baby at home.
There are lots of reasons to have your baby at home for the sake of the baby, but right now, I want to focus on the benefits to the woman.
When you step into natural childbirth, you step into the realm of spirit. There is a creative force running through your body during conception, pregnancy, and childbirth that is divine.
Your job is to allow that energy to run through your body. Take the bull by the horns and surrender all outcomes. Do the work and allow the work to be done.
You are not sick. You do not need the hospital. You need a witness called a midwife.
In the throws of physical agony, you will become a force to be reckoned with.
Childbirth is a metaphor for life. We must step into our pain, not away from it. We have to stop putting comfort on a pedestal and do the work…in the trenches.
It is ok to be scared. You ARE vulnerable, but you are also strong beyond measure – resilient and powerful. I stepped into that when I birthed our baby at the foot of our bed, and it altered my life forever.
#5 Fake it till you fuckin’ make it.
Love is an action, not a feeling. I am a self-care advocate. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anything else. Your family and your work and your life will suffer.
If you do not find yourself worthy of whatever brings you joy and relaxation, then that’s all the more reason to do it. The worthiness will come later.
And if you find that women in a position of power offend you in some way, extend your love and compassion despite your feelings. When we support each other, we support ourselves.
To Hillary Clinton, cheers to you for your many years of leadership and service as a woman in politics…and many more to come.
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